As I Live and Breathe Sample

 

As I Live and Breathe // Sample Chapters

 

 

The Seven-Year Gap Between my Divorce and Starting BLISSBOMBED: A Cautionary Career Story.

 

I’ve had two careers in my life. From 20-36 I was a full-time wife and mother, which turned into single woman/working mother at age 36.

At 42, I started my second career as a Life Strategist/Consultant.

The seven years in-between my careers were spent panicking and grasping at whatever jobs I could get at offices, freelancing my services, and dating the wrong men.

I will be candid: I didn’t know how– more importantly WANT– to do anything other than be a wife and mother – a role in life that I prized and cherished greatly. And I saw my future as being a Mrs. to a man who wanted true partnership. I knew I was a powerful woman and I wanted to go kick ass in the world with my husband, and use our gifts together as a couple and a team.

So, no surprise, I attracted a lot of “Type A” men in my life who loveddd the idea of me. These relationships were intense and passionate and filled with my man’s plan for building the empire with me by his side making the travel plans, coordinating our kids’ homework and school conferences, and creating sanctuary in our home. No matter who I dated, we would start talking this way after only a few months of dating.

Red flag.

And I guess while I’m throwing it all out there, I should mention that heavy drinking, or addictions, or workaholism, or moodiness, or a wandering eye, or over-possessiveness were also attendant to these Type-A men that I attracted.

But when you are a wife to the man you are dating (yes, please read that slowly) you STAND BY your man because you can help him work his shit out, and especiallllyyyy because, after years of counseling and countless relationship books digested through the siberian decline of your own marriage, you are equipped for this.

I had aimless office jobs through this whole 5-7 years of crazy dating, but no career plan. In the midst of all this, I was on the School Board as the Director of Education for my children’s school and a trusted advisor to many women’s groups. Most all of these jobs I did without pay, because I was the valedictorian of volunteering my life away.

My real focus and Ph.D. was in Dramatic Romantic Relationships. 

I can’t tell you how many tear- filled, whispery conversations I had in the ladies restroom at work on the phone with my boyfriend(s), or mornings I would walk in bleary-eyed from being up all night for various reasons with him (some good reasons, some bad reasons), or how much TOTAL LACK of planning or focus I did on my career, financial future, or personal skill-set to earn my own income. I was just getting by, while dating the President of the World.

Sooo three engagement later, which were collected in rapid enough a fashion to suggest I needed to look at my P-A-T-T-E-R-N, I was able to see that I was the P-R-O-B-L-E-M. And I needed to decide if I was going to continue down the path of my personal D-E-S-T-R-U-C-T-I-O-N, or change everything.

It was a no bullshitter, that 2008. After an engagement ended the night before my wedding, I decided I must turn everything on its head and change every, beautiful, terrifying thing about me, which started with a distinct decision to break my own heart and claim I was no one’s wife. Not ever. (more on this later).

I’m confessing all of this to you because we all have our stories. I’ve learned not to be too precious about my stories, because they’re not the point.

This is the point: We all have our deep insecurities that keep us from standing up and being responsible – fully 100% responsible – for our personal value and power as women (especially, financially).

You may be in the middle of your story right now: the one that has you stalled out, huddled with fear in your relationship/work cubicle/fear of failure. I totally get it.

And I’m sharing this with you (triumphantly) because I’m here to tell you how much a woman can change in 7 years time. Almost everything that needed to get looked at, healed, reconstructed, faced head-on, talked about, sweated out, cried out, recalibrated, and let go of regarding who I am as a woman in my own right has been the #1 activity of the past seven years. And much of it happened through the catalyzing process of entrepreneurship (and giving myself over 100% to being a single mother until my kids were grown).

 

 

I mean that specifically: It was a “giving over” and a “letting go of the familiar” that saved me.

I won’t lie: it’s been a very very INTENSE 7-year boot camp where I let myself get away with zero amounts of bullshit.

I went many, many, many months of dating no one, sleeping with no one, texting no one, and fantasizing about no one.

If I saw an old pattern crop up, I cauterized it immediately upon recognition, with as much grace and decisiveness as necessary.

I became deathly allergic to drama and distraction: namely my own.

I held myself with radical understanding and compassion, but with just as much toughness and unyielding high expectation.

So what happened to me after that? What did I realize?


READ THE BOOK TO FIND OUT THE CONCLUSION.

 

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My Step-by-Step Prescription for Banishing a Crappy Mood.

 

It’s been one of those mornings. You’re a little overwhelmed with stress or have a lot on your mind, and let’s just say, you’re not exactly feeling positive (though you want to be).

So what happens when you are triggered by something hurtful/disappointing/scary and you can’t stop obsessing about it? Are you totally jacking up your vibe?

Is Bad Attitude Karma gonna swing back like a boomerang and punch you in the throat?? No, not exactly. 🙂

The subconscious mind does not differentiate between what is happening in reality and what is imagined (this is why meditation and positive daydreaming are such powerful modes of healing and creating). When you imagine something wonderful happening, like having a successful sales day, meeting your soulmate, living in your favorite city, or driving your new car, your brain makes a chemical cocktail in response to those feelings and sends it down your spinal cord, and the rest of your body reacts to this endorsement from your brain.

Your brain also “fires and wires” new synaptic connections to create neural pathways and neighborhoods so that you have a default setting to return to when you start thinking about your partner, job, finances, etc. This also works for mothers-in-law, Target dressing rooms, and exes – so be careful!

Here is my “get unstuck” recipe for when you’re feeling triggered.

1. Identify all your feelings.

What are they specifically? Do not judge yourself (like “I’m being silly.. childish.. stupid, etc.” or “I should be over this/bigger than this.”). Just distinguish them.

2. Don’t judge yourself. Instead…

Ask yourself when you started to feel the triggering emotion come up. What set it in motion?

3. Get to the core wound.

Find that, and things get a LOT clearer and easier to move through. A core wound is something that is an old conversation that started when you were young and it’s still working its way out. For instance, your core wound can be abandonment, being alone/lonely, feeling shamed, blamed, etc. My core wound is the fear of making the people whom I love angry and them withdrawing. We call that being a “Peace at any Price” person! That sucker has taken the controls more than I’ve liked, and even though I’ve done a lot of work around it, it still pops up.

4. Now, bring some compassion in.

For yourself, for the situation, for the other person(s). Love yourself, forgive yourself, love them, and forgive them.

5. With love and compassion, take 100% responsibility.

This does not mean BLAME. It simply means saying, I take responsibility for how this is occurring for me. I take responsibility for creating a different experience for myself.

6. Ask yourself “What do I need right now, going forward?”

Be practical and bold. Sometimes I write this out. Part of taking responsibility for your own happiness is knowing what works for you and being able to ask for it!

7. Get into communication with anyone involved.

(If there are others involved…And let’s face it, there often is because we would never get triggered by our own delightful selves, right??) Share what is true for you and share your responsibility. This is not license to blame the other person, but give them enough information so that they can create a different experience with you. Allow them to have their OWN experience and listen to them without judging. Do not sit there and think of what you are going to say next. BE with them. Make it a shared experience.


READ THE REST

 

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Other things I discuss in As I Live and Breathe:

15 recent game-changers I made to save my sanity and well-being after a telling trip to New York, how I pull myself out of an energy suck, where to start when you need a new beginning, what to do if you’re having a money meltdown, what happened after I deleted 4,000 Facebook friends, and how to kick drama to the curb. Oh! And I give you the “normal” person’s guide to meditation if you’re thinking about trying it but don’t want all the woo-woo crazy stuff that comes with it. Friend, you need this book.
 

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Digital format
161 pages // 25 Chapters
$12.00


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