You Have the Right to Be Happy


I’m writing this for anyone who has been feeling down in the dumps and feels paralyzed to break free from it. For the one who keeps piling work on herself, listening to the same coworkers spew their drama at the office, and who feels unable to look away from the political hatred soaking social media – as if she has some duty to listen to everyone’s conjecture.

Please remember something okay? YOU ARE NOT SELFISH for protecting yourself from negativity and doing everything you can to make yourself happy today. You are not selfish for watching two hours of hilarious YouTube or indulging in the breath-of-fresh-air that is Lydia Elise Millen’s amazing channel (or my new favorite: straight-talkin’, awesome-advice giver, Lisa Concepcion).

Did you spend an hour today on Pinterest when you should be answering the comments section of your blog? PERFECT, GIRL. GOOD JOB. You are SUPER SMART to do anything that you need to do today to raise your emotions, vibration, and therefore your level of receptivity to happiness.

We were talking about this today in 7 Miracles: There is nothing more important than your wholesome, happy, positive, hopeful state of mind. Without it, you can’t create. Without it, you can’t do your best work. Oh, you can survive life…we all know that. But my guess is, if you’re reading this blog, you’re into WAY MORE than merely surviving. I’ll bet you are working toward something really cool in your life that requires your happiness and the ability to think straight. You need to have a reserve of security and liberated attention to do big things.

There have been days, dear readers, when I had so much I should be doing not just to get ahead, but to attend to urgent matters that were clanging my survival cowbell. Things like hours and hours of emails and blog post planning and technical work on the backend of my website. There was once a week where all my PayPal links were broken or jacked and no one could pay me [insert hysterical crying and terror]. There was extended family drama. I had a friend who lost her grandma. I was so swept up in the sad, scary, frustrating facts of life. I wanted to solve it all and at least feel like I was helping or making a difference in my crazy, cRaZyeee world.

A well-meaning friend phoned to tell me that an ex I had been engaged to gotten married and she didn’t want me to find out through social media. I hung up the phone and cried so hysterically that my common sense had no choice but to snap awake and intervene. I made a choice that still shocks me to this day which was to get up from my desk, grab my Metrocard, stuff my purse full of Kleenex, and take a train out to Montauk. This is coming from a former strict Catholic girl who loves the idea of getting ALL WORK ACCOMPLISHED before checking text messages. Whose bohemian wiles are severely restricted to a single ill-fitting top from Free People, because, C-cups.

But despite all that, here I was on an unplanned train trip to Montauk: No agenda. No plans with friends. No laptop or wifi. Phone turned off. Just me and the lighthouse and the frigid air and a fiction book.

I didn’t even permit myself to bring a notebook and “journal the lessons of my day off” – Oh the horror! Not redeeming the time.

 

You know what that’s called?
PATTERN INTERRUPT.

 

It’s when you snap yourself awake and pull an Evie Garland fingers-together time out of your normal ways of coping which includes “looking good” and “appearing responsible” to do something so wild and out of character that you have no choice but to run like hell into your own waiting arms of acceptance.

Did this sudden absconding make me feel horribly uncomfortable and somewhat guilty? YES, IT DID. I fought it all the way to Penn Station, through the purchase of my LIRR ticket, and walking onto the train. I thought, “Am I overreacting? Am I being dramatic and self-centered?” But then the train door shut like God clapping, and I was forced to answer this question:  Who was I hurting by taking the time away? Absolutely no one.

This is the phantom guilt that keeps everyone tethered to their desks, punching the buttons, doing what’s expected, pushing back the burnout hoping to get caught up some day and thus, happy. Only it doesn’t work that way. You must step out in faith and take your power back.

I snapped out of my illusion on the train because, you see, without my usual life force of happiness, there’s NOTHING for me to work with. There are no creative solutions, there is no contribution, there is no oxygen. There is no me, the mother — or me, the writer — or me, the coach — or me, the lush soul who wants to bring beauty to everything I touch.

Taken on the day I went to Montauk.

 

I spent the day on the outdoor swing, reading my book under a sky swept with mare’s-tail clouds. I climbed to the top of the lighthouse where the air was clammy and salted. I exchanged smiles and hellos with silver-haired retirees caning their way through the souvenier shop. And when I returned home I was a different woman. I was calm. I was elevated above the drama and stresses of life. My perspective, ease, and calm were back. I walked in, put on some Coltrane, lit candles, and poured a glass of 2005 Luna Pinot Noir I was saving for a special occasion. I reclaimed my wholesomeness, hope, and innocence for life. I got up the next day and wrote a beautiful DOABLE to-do list on pretty stationery. I ate well and drank lots of water that day. I hired someone (novel!) to fix my website. I took my power and peace back.

You need to do this for yourself. Maybe a day trip isn’t your thing (but it COULD BE, seriously you should consider it!!!!). I’m telling you: Do whatever you need to do today to get your high vibes back. Make no apologies. Get your optimism back like you are a woman with your head on fire looking for a bucket of water. Leave your desk. Rabble rouse. Live like you’ve got A-cup boobs and regulation armpits that can fit into the entire Free People Summer ’17 line, you bohemian goddess!

Leave your circumstances and go to heaven for a while. I would tell you “it will all be here when you return” but it won’t. It will be different and easier because YOU have changed. Your DNA will shift and you will see things from a different vantage point. Your only job will be to wriggle free from other people’s perspectives, for they may still operating from fear and survival and negativity.

Get your pattern interrupt game ON.

I didn’t plan on writing this, but I felt I needed to. Someone needs this message. I love you. If you can’t give yourself permission, I GIVE YOU PERMISSION. Now go get your happiness!

All the light,

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Are you into stuff like this? I write about modern spirituality, love, communication, generosity, and how to run a sustainable small business (while keeping your sanity). Put yourself on the list and you’ll never miss and article or a workshop. xo

 

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